I stood alone in church today.
I never knew how hard that could be.
You never know how small you are in this world until you stand before your God without the gift he gave you.
The families that are complete are in front of you.
The young couples in love are there holding hands.
And I stand in contemplation, I know I brought this on myself.
There is no mistaking.
There is no one to blame but me.
And as I stand alone I am reminded of the irony.
I thought I was doing what God wanted.
Confining myself to Old Testament teachings was what I knew.
Never understanding this unconditional love that was given to me.
And as I stand here foolishly saving your seat next to me, I am reminded of my mistakes.
I am reminded of the fears that brought me to this place.
I am reminded that I was not given a family to raise and be responsible for.
I was given a family to love and honor.
The rest of that stuff belongs to God.
The childlike faith I refused to have, is now a necessity to understand the road home.
To stand alone in the house of God is the hardest thing I’ve known.
But, I have faith.
I have hope.
I have a love for me that I know will get me through.
As I stand here alone, I have only one request from God.
Save me from myself.