It’s that easy. I don’t ever struggle with the words that I want to say to you. I don’t know why that is. I can explain why I think you’re beautiful. That’s easy, your warm blue eyes matched with your soft, blonde hair is a given. but none of that has anything to do with why I can’t get you out of my head. The thing I cannot explain is how you were able to become such a force in my life so quickly. To say, you’ve been like a hammer dropping down on my soul, is an understatement.
I remember in college, the anatomy teacher told us about these little hairs that are in our ears. They pick up the vibrations of the sounds around us, and they carry the signals back to our brains. The only way I can describe it, is to say that every time you speak, I feel those hairs shake me senselessly.
It makes me weak. It makes me nervous, and fills me with this incredible sense of humility. Your voice lifts me. And when I simply hear you laugh, I break. It’s like the first time a girl ever touched me, only heavier and with more everything. When you say my name, I feel a safeness that can only be described as audible joy. Even when you get mad, I feel my soul become aroused.
If it was just your voice, I’d have volumes to say to you. I could go on and on telling you what I feel, but overtime you would start to think that I was being redundant and repetitive. But, I’ve come to understand that as, there are no words to describe what you do to me inside. There are only the inescapable movements of my body that give away my willingness to be vulnerable to you.
The hard part about all of this is that I wouldn’t feel this way if something wasn’t being transmitted to me, but it is. I feel it. I want to bathe my soul in it. That feeling that comes because you simply can’t get enough of each other. With total abandon, I want to feel you upon me. I know you stifled those feelings because of so many reasons it’s not possible to have clarity. Clarity will only come from time. And over time, I think inevitability will have its way with us. I know you hate that because you want control. So do I.
But that inevitability that scares you, shouldn’t. It should awaken you. And it will, over time. Maybe that’s your plan., to wait me out and see just how real all of this is. I have accepted that. I understand time and patience. I understand resolutions that you need in your life first. All of those things, can be accepted. Because what may be, with you, is something worth waiting for.
Can you feel it? Is that abandonment starting to overwhelm you? If it is, there is nothing we can do to stop it. We can put up walls as much as we want, to keep the scary things out. But if there’s nothing to be afraid of, then tear down those walls and find something new.
To be that close, well I could write about that all night.
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