An Admission

This is an admission that it is totally my fault. It’s an admission of guilt. I went too far and I know it. I followed my heart. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Only time will tell.

I know I’m guilty and it shows. My feelings are exposed for all to see. Let them ridicule me for sharing my heart. Let them cry out in laughter as my soul lays bare. I don’t mind and I will not care. I have been struck by a bolt of love that I was defenseless to avoid. There’s that word. The one we all want to hear but are afraid to say. It’s just a four lettered word, but it comes with a high price. They say it finds you when you aren’t looking. I wasn’t looking.

Blindsided and broken, the shell of the man before you is doing his best to keep his composure. Branded a fool by my own standards, I now find that I am reeling in fear.

The fear is not my own. Which makes it so hard to fight. It’s not something you can solve with daily affirmation. Instead, it is something that is systemic of our world. It’s a fear that grows from our environment and the failures we take with us. I wish it were mine. I’d fight it. I would fight the fear of the unknown with all I have in me, if it meant achieving something greater. But it’s not my fight. It’s only my time to watch. So I admit it freely. I fell hard. I may never get up again. I think I can live with that.